October 2008 - Preparation

I went in the later part of October for my Lupron shot. It really didn't hurt at all as it went into my hip. It took a few days before some of the side effects started to set in. I started getting the weirdest mood swings. It was like my heart/emotions and my brain were not connected at all. I would want to just yell at people for no reason. It was sort of like hitting the funny bone where you just can't help but move or laugh. It was in those moments where I was lashing out or starting to cry for no reason that my unconnected brain would be saying "it's just the hormones". But they couldn't quite get connected. Weirdest feeling ever! After about two months of the Lupron, that extreme started to mellow out some. It was still a challenge, but not nearly as bad as the first month or so.

I haven't experienced many hot flashes. I have a few times, but nothing significant. My primary side effect was the mood swings. Also, a bit of weight gain. Between the Lupron and the double BCPs I had been taking, I shot up about 10 lbs in 2 months. That's a pretty big jump for me, considering I didn't change my workout or eating routines.

We had so much preparation to do for this surgery. The Dr gave us a big packet to read through all the risks and things we need to do. We had to consider things like our "Advanced Care Directive" - what my desires are if everything goes south during the procedure. What a difficult thing to do, but we had to face the possibilities and make sure everything was outlined - just in case.

The other risk was the possibility of needing a hysterectomy. My Dr explained that if that was necessary, she'd take only the uterus, leaving the ovaries and fallopian tubes in tact so that I would still have eggs and hormones so that I wouldn't be launched into immediate menopause. That would keep options open in case we wanted to have a surrogate down the road.

There was also considerations with the possibilities of hemorrhaging and needing a blood transfusion. There are always some risks with accepting someone else's donated blood. There is an option to donate your own blood for the procedure, but it can take weeks and weeks to do and process. So, by the time I considered it, we didn't have any time to do that. I just said a prayer and hoped that a transfusion wasn't needed. I also prayed that none of these risks would actually come to pass, but that the surgery would to exactly as planned.

All these things are so so so rare, but they are things I had to face and deal with one at a time. There's always the "what ifs".

Six weeks off work. That's what the Dr ordered. So, I started making preparations to find a replacement for my job - someone to cover for me while I was out. We finally found someone just days before I went out on leave.

I also started all the paperwork for my Short Term Disability with my job as well. So much paperwork to do! So many regulations and rules and things to cover. I won't even get into it all. If you have a specific question, email me and I'll try to help. It's confusing and can vary from state to state.

I sat down to discuss all my "issues" that I'd been internalizing for so many months with a counselor. I can't say it helped a lot because there isn't a lot to do at the time. She basically helped me realize that I have to be a little nicer on myself and wait until all of this is over to "start over" with self-image, etc. Easier said than done, but I am desperately trying to do that.

My Dr called and let me know there was an opening in December if I wanted to take it. I did. Why wait until Jan or Feb when you can do it sooner? Let's just get it over with!

I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.